Life and love and why
Child, adult, then die
All of your hoping
All of your hoping
And all of your searching
For what?
Ask me for what am I living
Or what gives me strength
That I'm willing to die for
Take away from me
This monstrosity
'Cause my futile thinking's
Not gonna solve nothing tonight
Ask me for what am I living
Or what gives me strength That I'm willing to die for
Could it be this
Could this be bliss
Could it be all that I ever had missed
Could it be true
Can life be new
And can I be used
Can I be used
Give me a reason
For life and for death
A reason for drowning
While I hold my breath
Something to laugh at
A reason to cry
With everyone hopeless
And hoping for something
To hope for
Yeah, with something to hope for
Could it be true
Can life be new
Could it be all that I am is in You
Could it be this
Could it be bliss
Can it be You
Can it be You
Yeah, I just feel like writing about what I feel today (actually throughout the whole entire week, starting from my exam period).
Well, my sis said that I've been talking while I was sleeping. Hehe.. sorry. It sounds freaky but, I can't help it okay! I didn't even notice it myself. It's not tha I can control it! ><"
What's more is that when things gets tough, and the pressure is too hard ... that's when I'm actually tested, whether or not I can survive and come out victoriously, which in the end I did. I'm so glad that I have my parents to talk to. Being open and in the light makes me safer and feel that I'm actually at the right position, rather than covering up. I can feel that I've became mature in my thinking and also my actions. Yes, I really feel that family is everything. If you can't cooperate with your family, there's no way you can cooperate with your OWN family later. Which is why I think being family-oriented is one of my "future" preference. And definitely someone who has the same values as me.
Yeah, who said I've never been asked out? This is not the same like MSA, where everything seems clouded coz of my status. Not here. Attraction and admiration is a natural thing, that's how we can feel love. But, there's just this limitation on it. Not everyone gets what they want, or let's say WHO they want. Firstly, for me, it's not my time yet to think about it. And for me, it's once and for all. Even though I made mistakes in the past, but it's okay, at least I'm moving forward. (Hoobastank's Moving Forward) And by moving forward means taking steps that you've never taken before yet it's different from the steps you've taken before. Not looking back anymore.
So yes, for me, conviction is everything coz that's when your values and characters are tested. And from conviction, there comes attraction. I've heard so many people asking me whether I have a boyfriend and whether I club or not. Haha.. Maybe I dress-up and put on make-ups, but I dare myself to tell ya'll that I'm not, and will NEVER club. Yaa.. people say I miss out all the fun, but I've been asking myself WHY shouldn't I go, since I'm old enough to go. Let's not talk about restrictions here, coz hey, even with restrictions, I'm the type that go beyond restrictions, so let's not talk about my boundaries, nor my parents for a sec. But truthfully and honestly here ... clubbing ain't my type. The music's cheese and the way I spend my time .. phew, really.. I'd rather spend my time playing games on my pc. And I think I really wanna be different from normal girls. Ya know, guys don't like bimbos right? Who can only dress-up and chit-chat and talk craps. So, might as well build up something out of me to become a useful woman in the future. (ehem! I'm learning how to cook! ^^)
Boyfriend? Haha.. I didn't say I don't want boyfriend did I? But definitely not now. Now is the time to study! God has been so great to me. Yep. I've been blessed a thousand fold. My motto in life eversince I study in NIE is "Left with grace; come home with honors." Yeaah, entering NIE is a miracle for me. I got rejected at first, but then God's favor, man.. You just can't comprehend how He works. It's really beyond reason. So yeah, for my partner, I just leave my future to my Creator, since He knows my blueprint, so why should I bother trying to build it myself. Yes, someday my prince will come. But definitely, now, I won't be keeping quiet and do nothing either. I'm SOOOOO gonna make my life ALIVE. I'm gonna learn new skills, I'm gonna do extraordinary things before this guy comes, and I'm gonna touch nations. Dunno how, but I just believe on the impossible. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ROCK!
I can't wait babyyy!!!!! ^^
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